I can haz Cashmere??????

I'm either not crazy enough to be admitted into the hospital, or I'm too crazy. I'm not quite sure which it is, and not sure I want to know either. But i now have a therapist, and they'll refer me to a psychiatrist and hopefully all will be well soon.

Now, to the good stuff.


You can go here and see info on it. Beautiful white CASHMERE and silk yarn. *swoon* I've had my cashmere cherry popped. Yes, that's right. I've never owned any cashmere yarn before. You really don't want to know some of the things this ball has already been subjected to. I've pet it, stroked it, cuddled it, and than I molested it by sticking my finger inside. Yes, I'm a yarn pervert. Wanna make something of it?? I have no idea what to make with this, which means I'll be haunting Rav for hours tonight. Something for around my neck is as far as I've gotten.

I didn't just get yarn mind you. My secret pal also printed up some lace shawl patterns for me, and sent a row counter, and a needle sizer/gauge guide. But the yarn, oh, it's yarny goodness will comfort me in this frozen wasteland we call MI.

There's just one mystery left, who is my Secret partner?? The mind boggles.

This is **NOT** a craft post, fyi.

3 months, 1 week, and 2 days. That's how long it's been since I've seen Scott. Since I've gotten a few pictures, and 2 small 30 second video clips. We talk on the phone, yes, but lately it's been a fight to just get him to say hi. And now the newest bombshell. The friend J's been staying with gave them 2 weeks to find another place to stay. She's screwing with the well-being of my kid, and I can't do a thing to stop it, to make it better. Just the thought of Scott and J not having a place to go scares the shit out of me. Last resort if his sister, up by Vandenburg AFB.

My poor little guy has been through so much crap this past year, and now this. He's got to leave his friend (her son), his pre-school, and "his" doggie. He doesn't need to uprooted again from where he was making his home. He's already had that change time and time again. Mommy is gone, Daddy and Scott move and make new friends. Now Scott has to leave those friends behind.

I can't stop worrying about what will happen. I can't sleep, I can't seem to shake this depression that's settled over me. I can't go see a therapist because of teh insurence issue, and I don't want to go check myself back into a hospital. I don't think being back in that environment would help me right now. Yes, I was in a psych ward for a few days back in May. It was boring, the food sucked, and we couldn't eat out of our rooms because of the flu going around the ward. Lemme tell you, eating all alone is not conducive to becoming mentaly healthy. It's not. Eating is a social habit. For those who don't know I'm bi-polar. I would fathom a guess at Bi-polar type 2, which is a more mild versoin. I don't go manic often, and when I do it's for short times. But I get depressed. When I do it sometimes sticks around. I'm just scared that if I go into a hospital now it'll fuck up my chances of having Scott in March. But I want to be healthy for him, and make sure I'm ok for him. I should want to do it for me, but he's more important to me than myself.

I'm supposed to go out to CA in mid March, pick him up, and fly back here with my heart and soul. For 7 weeks and change. I didn't realize that the day I'm supposed to go and being him home is 5 months to the day since I'll have last seen him, help him, kisssed him in person, rather than on the phone. My mom gets to have the joy of having her grandson here for her birthday, my great grandma gets the same honor. I get to spend Mothers day with the whole reason I'm a mom. Then I have to fly back with him, and leave him in CA. Just 51 weeks to the day after I went a little crazy, forgot him, and pretty much ended my marriage.

I don't care. I need help. I'll keep y'all updated when I can.

Back to the land of the living.

I know, I haven't posted for a little while. But I really do have a good reason. As I mentioned, I was sicker than sick, and about the time I could get out of bed to get back online, I started having jaw problems. I have TMJ (to go with everything else) so figured that's what it was. Spent a few days in bed with heating packs on the joint. Well, not I'm stuck on antibiotics due to an abscess. I'm not sure what's going to happen with it. That's the problem with no insurance, I can't just go into the DR to have it drained. Hopefully the antibiotics will do some good, and soon, or I have to head back to the ER to have it done there. *le sigh* I hate medical crud.

On a good medical note, all those medical bills I had from the concussions and whatnot, from April to late September, are gone. FINALLY!!! Seems the state got off it's fat duff and decided I met the requirments to get coverage. Which is nice, since we're talking over 30 thousand dollars of bills here. CT scans, 5 day visits to the hospital, nueroligical workups, all those aren't cheap. That is a load off my mind.

Scott is doing well out in CA. We talk on the phone almost every night, except for those nights "I don wanna talk to mommy." Everytime I hear it my heart breaks a little. I know he loves me, but I'm doing the best I can to show him I care. I can't be there for him like I want. He is just getting over some sort of viral infection himself, and I can't be there to care for him. He's in pre-school now, and loves it. Or so I'm told.

I'm knitting on a baby blanket for a good and close friend of mine. We've been friends since we were in 6th grade, or 13 years. He and his wife are expecting their first, and I wanted to make some special things for them. Right now the blanket is still small, and I'm making up the pattern as I go. But it's pretty. I'm using a cotton yarn from Hobby Lobby and OMG, it's so dang soft. I *heart* this yarn. Oh yeah, blanket is a dark chocolate brown, and will have pink satin blanket binding. Neither of them really like pink, so it's just a small touch.

It seems my downstream secret pal partner is a smart woman, she found out who I am by doing a rav search using my email. I'm the ditz who forgot that I can be searched for by that. Gotta remember that for the next rounf.

In the Audit news, J's company sent out a letter stating that it was all a big screw up on their part, so we're hoping that the IRS will actually pay attention to it, and call off the audit. Which would be nice. *crosses fingers*

Stand back

and don your protective face gear. I'm plague ridden. Otherwise I could have written about me trip before this. Ok, I'm still not writing about it, this is a quick little thing to let y'all know I'm alive. Of course I fee like a zombie, and some friends are hoping I turn over to the dead side soon. For scientific reasons of course, so they say. I'm actually mending, it's just an upper respiratory infection. Been given a bill of health against Mono, Influenza, and Strep. Seems when I get really sick I now have the joy of either fighting off whatever infection it is, or dealing with the Fibro. Fibro lost. I've spent the last 3 days in bed watching movies, first on my portable player, than when that dies and I threatened to watch them in the living room on my old TV that was downstairs. It's wonderful when your family doesn't want to get sick, no?

Ok, quick vaca info. We went to TX (cause we would make it by NYE and the ocean, I was promised ocean). More so Galvenston. Had fun. More to follow later.